| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
silver bullet
New Member
United Kingdom
47 Posts |
 Posted - 18 August 2007 : 20:06:24
|
1. I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost.
Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click.
"Great," he thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better because it locks..."
2. A kindergarten teacher was helping one of her students put his boots on. He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. By the time she got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as they worked together to get the boots back on -- this time on the right feet.
He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.
He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots ..."
|
|
|
ianholt
Average Member
United Kingdom
750 Posts |
Posted - 19 September 2007 : 17:43:52
|
A penguin walks in to a butcher shop and says "Morning, got any fish?"
The butcher looks back and says "no, this is a butchers shop, we sell meat"
"Oh sorry" replies the penguin and walks out.
The next day the penguin walks in to the butchers shop and says "Morning, got any fish?"
The butcher looks back and says "no, i told you yesterday. This is a butchers shop, we only sell meat"
"Oh sorry" replies the penguin and walks out.
The next day the penguin walks in to the butchers shop and says "Morning, got any fish?"
The butcher looks back and says "no, i told you yesterday. This is a butchers shop, we only sell meat now p$$s off"
"Oh sorry" replies the penguin and walks out.
The next day the penguin walks in to the butchers shop and says "Morning, got any fish?"
The angry butcher looks back and says "listen here you. If you come in here once more asking me for fish I am gonna nail your flippers to my counter!"
"Oh sorry, wont happen again" replies the penguin and walks out.
The next day the penguin walks in to the butchers shop and says "morning, got any nails?
The butcher replies “no!”
The penguin says “Oh, Got any fish?”
|
 |
|
|
grasshopper
Senior Member
1652 Posts |
Posted - 19 September 2007 : 19:52:24
|
Man and child walking through the woods. Child says "it's cold and eerie, all the trees look like monsters and I'm scared!"
Man replies 'it's alright for you, I've got to come back this way on my own...' |
|
|
|
grasshopper
Senior Member
1652 Posts |
Posted - 21 October 2007 : 20:36:08
|
Chap's been driving away from home, on the continent for months. He reaches Paris, parks up and heads for one of those 'houses of ill-repute'. He walks in the door slaps the equivalent of £500 on the table and demands a bacon sandwich and the company of the ugliest, most stupid woman in the place.
The 'Madame' declares in her French accent, "Ooh Monsiuer, for that amount you can have the pick of ou r most beautiful ladeez and a four course meal prepared by our chef!"
The trucker replies " I'm not horny or even that hungry - just homesick!" |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
Topic Locked
