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knightley
Junior Member
Kyrgyzstan
183 Posts |
 Posted - 17 August 2007 : 22:54:46
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| Forest fan? |
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silver bullet
New Member
United Kingdom
47 Posts |
Posted - 17 August 2007 : 23:19:50
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| hu's a forrest fan |
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knightley
Junior Member
Kyrgyzstan
183 Posts |
Posted - 17 August 2007 : 23:26:43
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| Im talking to you, but your obviously not! |
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grasshopper
Senior Member
1652 Posts |
Posted - 17 August 2007 : 23:34:46
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Now then young Knightley, don't go upsetting the natives....but talking of football...
Beckham's sat in the locker room of his new American Club, kit bag open in front of him.
One of the other yankee footballers looks down and sees a silver cylinder in there and asks what it is..
"It's a Fermos Flask that Vic's got me" said David, 'so what does that do?' asked the yankee footballer
"Vic's said it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold" boasted David proudly ' So whatcha got in there Dave? asked the yank,
"cuppa tea and two choc ices" said Beckham.. |
Edited by - grasshopper on 17 August 2007 23:35:20 |
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knightley
Junior Member
Kyrgyzstan
183 Posts |
Posted - 17 August 2007 : 23:46:24
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becham is playing football for LA against some team
he has a pair of ear phones on
he never tells anyone whu
so one moment in the match some american slide tackles him and of comes the ear phones
then all u see is beckham on the floor dying
he dies
then the manager runs on the pitch to listen to the tape and what does he hear
Breath in Breath out Breath in Breath out |
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grasshopper
Senior Member
1652 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2007 : 00:08:57
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A man and woman, driving through the welsh countryside when they come across a road sign:
'Llanfairwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch'
He tries to say it, his wife starts laughing - and soon the pronounication becomes an argument. So much so, they're stilling arguing as they pull into restaurant in the town. As they're paying their bill, they can't help but ask the cashier
"excuse us , but would you settle an argument between my wife and I and please pronounce the name of where we are - slowly and clearly?
The cashier rolls her eys, takes a deep breath, leans forward and says
"Liiiiiittttttlllllleeeeeee CCCChhhhhheeeeeefffffff" |
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knightley
Junior Member
Kyrgyzstan
183 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2007 : 00:58:47
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Well you beat me.... again, ive got no more jokes. But ill search the internet till the end of time for a better joke than yours my good freind grasshopper. But untill then i leave you with this riddle
To cross the water I'm the way,
For water I'm above;
I touch it not, and truth to say,
I neither swim nor move. What am I?
I might have finnaly have beaten you, hahahahah! Thinking about it, its pretty easy. If you win, then ill admit, you have outdone me! |
Edited by - knightley on 18 August 2007 01:00:11 |
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silver bullet
New Member
United Kingdom
47 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2007 : 02:59:48
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young knightley i am a avid manchester united fan and a true iron fan aka sc.unthorpe united
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silver bullet
New Member
United Kingdom
47 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2007 : 03:15:25
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3 contractors arrive to quote a job- 1 aussie 1 irish man and 1 english man all bidding to repair a section of railings at the house ov parliament. they all go with a paliamentary official to examine the fence. the aussie contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then workes out some figures with a pencil.
well mate he says i figure the job will run to 900 pounds that 400 pounds for materials and 400 pounds for labour and 100 pounds profit for me.
the irish contractor also does some measuring and then says i can do this job for 700 pounds thats 300 pounds for materials and 300 pounds for my crew and 100 pounds profit for me.
the english contractor doesn't measure up or work any thing out but leans over to the offical and whispers 2,900 pounds the official incredulous, says you didn't measure like the other guys how did you come up with such a high figure
easy the english workman explains 1,00 pounds for you 1,000 pounds for me and we hire the aussie to do the work. |
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knightley
Junior Member
Kyrgyzstan
183 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2007 : 13:17:30
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| OOOOOOOOHHHH i see now, its just that derby fans biggest rivals are forest and that thats the kinda joke a forest fan would make! Sorry if i upset you or something. |
Edited by - knightley on 18 August 2007 13:18:17 |
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grasshopper
Senior Member
1652 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2007 : 14:22:49
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Bridge springs to mind, but there'll be some perverse reason why I'm wrong.....
You have to learn that competition is not always necessary - your time will come as a matter of course young Knightley - just remeber youth and enthusiasm are not much of a match for age and experience. which reminds me of these nuggets of wisdom from my late father, and I pass them on to you.....
Two bulls, one young, one old, stood on a hillock overlooking a herd of prime cows
the young bull turns to the old one and says " let's rush down there and have a few of them there cows"
the old bull looks at the young bull and replies ' let's walk down there and have them all.'
remember the 7 'p's - Prior Planning and Preparation Prevents Pi55 Poor Performance
Measure twice, cut once.
If in doubt, don't. OR if it sounds too good to be true - it probably isn't OR there's no such thing as a free lunch.
If I remember any others I shall pass them on |
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knightley
Junior Member
Kyrgyzstan
183 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2007 : 14:30:17
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| Damn you got it right with bridge. Im not having any competition with you. |
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grasshopper
Senior Member
1652 Posts |
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knightley
Junior Member
Kyrgyzstan
183 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2007 : 15:31:20
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| OK!!! Can you please stop with the proverbs now! I wasnt having any competition with you, it was just a joke. |
Edited by - knightley on 18 August 2007 16:33:52 |
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grasshopper
Senior Member
1652 Posts |
Posted - 18 August 2007 : 17:55:13
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| See! beat you into submission again! you young people just can't stand the pace |
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