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TomTom
Average Member
Kyrgyzstan
596 Posts |
 Posted - 12 September 2011 : 20:10:02
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A true story from work today. We have a frenchman working with us for a year to brush up on his english. This weekend he visited home and took one of the lads from the workshop with him. Anyway, in his home town there is a nightclub with a swimming pool in it. Just before my freind went in the pool in his boxers, a sneaky frenchman decided to spike his drink with viagra!  |
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grasshopper
Senior Member
1652 Posts |
Posted - 12 September 2011 : 20:48:45
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| Rotten Froggie Firkers....but I suppose it brings new meaning to a good stiff drink! |
Edited by - grasshopper on 12 September 2011 20:49:13 |
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Tnx king
Junior Member
United Kingdom
331 Posts |
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TomTom
Average Member
Kyrgyzstan
596 Posts |
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ianholt
Average Member
United Kingdom
750 Posts |
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grasshopper
Senior Member
1652 Posts |
Posted - 11 October 2011 : 12:03:14
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| Just spat sandwich all over my computer screen......LOFL! |
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ianholt
Average Member
United Kingdom
750 Posts |
Posted - 17 October 2011 : 19:44:06
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While in China , Scott is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
Scott returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, 'I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it.'
Scott looks a little perplexed and says, 'Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc.'
The doctor answers, 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate it.'
Scott screams in horror, 'Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.'
The doctor replies, 'Well, go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice.'
The next day, Scott seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, 'Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.'
Scott says to the doctor, 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate it!'
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. 'Stupid American docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!'
'Oh, thank God!' Scott replies.
'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor, 'Wait two weeks ... fawl off by self!'
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grasshopper
Senior Member
1652 Posts |
Posted - 27 November 2011 : 23:36:25
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| Typical, went up in the loft to get the decorations down...found a forgotten present I bought for one of my kids for last Christmas.....Damn shame, she would have really loved that puppy. |
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Blitz34
New Member
United Kingdom
88 Posts |
Posted - 01 December 2011 : 22:46:09
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I went to morrisons earlier and noticed a vaguely familiar and tasty bird giving me the eye in the supermarket. "Do I know u"? I asked. She said "aren't u the father of 1 of my kids"? I thought back to the only time I'd ever been unfaithful and said "Were u the hooker I shafted over the pool table at my stag do while your mate spanked me with a piece of wet celery, while shoving that massive cucumber up your arse"? She stared at me and said "No... I'm Your son's teacher"!
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hpi_guy
Junior Member
United Kingdom
401 Posts |
Posted - 02 December 2011 : 07:27:07
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What did the quilt say to the bed when he fell off?
SHEET!! |
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hpi_guy
Junior Member
United Kingdom
401 Posts |
Posted - 02 December 2011 : 07:42:47
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| Little Suzie walks into a pet shop and asks the owner, can I have a wittle bunny wabbit? The owner thinks this is adorable so gets on his knees and asks: would you like a little black one, a little white one, or one with little spots. Little Suzie stands up and says, I don't think my python will care!! |
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TomTom
Average Member
Kyrgyzstan
596 Posts |
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grasshopper
Senior Member
1652 Posts |
Posted - 17 December 2011 : 21:27:40
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Went in the kitchen today, couldn't find that frikkin thing that peels the potatoes and carrotts, asked the kids where it was.
Seems she left me yesterday...!
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integrale1
Junior Member
Madagascar
410 Posts |
Posted - 18 December 2011 : 08:39:53
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| I took the Mrs to the doctor's as she had a golf ball stuck up her arse.He said "**** me ,that's up a fairway"! |
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grasshopper
Senior Member
1652 Posts |
Posted - 18 December 2011 : 22:22:58
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Chap staggers into the A & E dept., two black eyes, broken nose and a 5 iron wrapped around his neck....
Receptionist looks up from her desk and asks " What happened to you?"
Chap replies 'I was playing a round of golf with the wife, we both sliced ours balls off the 8th tee into a field of cows, we went to look for them and I found one golf ball wedged up one of the cow's behinds - I shouted to the wife " this looks like yours " and I don't remember anything after that'
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Edited by - grasshopper on 18 December 2011 22:23:22 |
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